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This Week's Phunny Bone
Week Ending 19th December, 2011
Cows:
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic the British Government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the County of Cumbria?
And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country.
Maybe we should give each of them a cow...
Please explain:
What have you been up to?
Clocks in Heaven:
A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'
St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.'
'Oh', said the man. 'Whose clock is that?'
'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter. 'The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'
'Incredible', said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'
St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.'
'Where's George W. Bush's clock?' asked the man.
St Peter replied, 'Jesus has it in his office. He uses it as a ceiling fan.'
This has to be a true – Oh Oh! Moment!
OK – so that's why!
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -
You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians.....
Apparently it creates a hostile work environment!
Returning Tranquillity to Egypt:
The new Government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns.
It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquillity and normality.
Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.
You know when it's time to get glasses when!
Why old men are smart:
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a very large shopping mall.
'Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?'
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, 'Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?'
'I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with breasts like yours, she seems to magically appear out of nowhere.'
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